


Horga'hn Blues

by Reyka_Sivao



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Bad Decisions, Crack, Crossover Pairings, Horga'hn, M/M, NSFW, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, Smut, but like BAD smut, not safe for anything really, turn back now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:53:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27628445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reyka_Sivao/pseuds/Reyka_Sivao
Summary: Just when I think maybe I’m a decent writer I get dared to write Picard/Jar Jar smut.I hate everything and everyone.
Relationships: Jean-Luc Picard/Jar Jar Binks
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	Horga'hn Blues

Picard lay in the sun, relaxing, having an entirely pleasant and unstressful time reading his book. The small statue Riker had given him with assurances that it was culturally appropriate sat next to him, incredibly innocently. The fact that it was a cultural symbol of sexual availability, no one had actually thought to mention to him. 

“Ooooooh, yousa lookin  _ nice,”  _ said an unfamiliar voice from way too close. 

Picard looked up, straight into the eyestalks of a species he was unfamiliar with. 

“I beg your pardon?”

The eyestalks drew back, revealing a similarly elongated face. 

“Meesa say you lookin fiiiiine today,” said the newcomer. “Meesa name Jar Jar, what yousa name?”

“...Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise,” said Picard, with only a smidgin of autotuning. 

Jar Jar waggled his eyestalks seductively. “Wellsa, Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise, would yousa likey to suck meesa bigsa dicksa?”

Picard looked at him. And then slowly closed his book. 

“Well, that’s certainly an offer I haven’t encountered.”

Jar Jar’s eyestalks twitched side to side. “That’sa not a  _ no _ sa.”

“Indeed it is not. I must admit some...curiosity...on an anthropological level.”

“Oh yeah, yousa  _ wants  _ meesa  _ peen.” _

Picard ran his hand down his chin. “I suppose I would have to see it to know for certain.”

“Meesa has room juuuuust over there.”

The narration did not bother with any transition from here to there. 

“So, yousa still wants to see, huh?”

“I am...somewhat intrigued.”

“Oh ya, theysa ALL says that at first.”

Jar Jar pulled down his britches, exposing his one-eyed trouser snake. 

It looked exactly like one of his eye stalks, except that the eye was metaphorical and not way too literal. 

“I see,” said Picard noncommittally, which was slightly at odds with the enormous bulge in his nonregulation dick holster. 

“You wants to take a  _ taste~? _ ”

Picard knelt down and put his hands on Jar Jar’s vaguely amphibious hips. “Perhaps….for academic reasons.”

Those academic reasons apparently involved impeccable deepthroating. 

“Oooh, meesa gonna COME!”

Picard stopped and pulled back to stare into Jar Jar’s eyestalks. 

“Oooohh yousa TORTURE MEESA!! WHY-SA?”

“The scientific method requires controls,” said Picard. “I am somewhat curious to observe the effects of ceasing my efforts.”

Jar Jar moaned. “Yousa SEES!! Cans not yousa now finish??”

“I could,” said Picard, sitting back on his heels and placing his hands on his thighs. 

Jar Jar wriggled his whole body in despair. “Then why yousa not  _ does!! _ ”

Picard raised one hand and traced a finger down Jar Jar’s groinstalk. 

“Curiousity is a double-edged sword.”

Jar Jar twitched. “Please?” he said, opening his stalky eyes way too wide.

“....very well, on the condition that you never make that face ever again.”

“Yousa gots a DEAL.”

Picard raised one hand to Jar Jar’s bubble butt and resumed sucking until Jar Jar tried to grasp the hair he didn’t have and gave a shout. 

“MEESA COME!!!”

Picard swallowed a metric swampload of Gungan spermonaise and then looked up at Jar Jar’s panting figure. 

“I believe my curiosity is satisfied. Now, if you shall excuse me, I would like to forget everything about this.”

—

Riker did ask him, later, about the Horga'hn. 

“It….served its purpose,” he answered, and would give absolutely no other explanation. 

The end. 

Fuck. 


End file.
